PhD considerations

For a while now, I have been considering continuing my education by writing a PhD after graduation with my master of pharmacy degree. I have however also discarded the idea again. Now I’m at the point where I need to consider the pros and cons, and hence this blog post!

There is one main point is this, which has been crucial to me along the way – Freedom. A couple of years as PhD student would probably give me freedom to travel as I have experienced during my studies, and hence the opportunity to continue with trainings etc. Question then is… Do I want to? I think the answer to that is “yes”. I don’t know what the purposes of my travels will be, but I’m pretty sure something will come up. :)

Actually its not just the freedom to travel “randomly”, but also the opportunity to study and live abroad. A PhD would be pretty perfect for that, allowing me to learn about my PhD topic from other perspectives. Hmm… Already starting to dream, hehe…

Another freedom-aspect is what my thesis advisor, Lotte, mentioned a few weeks ago. A PhD degree would give me a certain status, a certain freedom to define my own area of work. However, here comes also one of my concerns. A PhD would mean that I would be very highly specialised, and that thought scares me a bit. Not sure why, though… Maybe because I’m not entirely sure what I want to work with? What my area of specialisation should be?

I talked with my friend Anton about that the other day. My vision at the moment is to be working with personal, professional, and profession development, and I have a special interest in continuing the work from my master thesis about Interprofessional Education. This links very well with the profession development-aspect. Also, I could focus on the improvement of the physician/pharmacist relations, but like Anton mentioned, I might need more professional experience before actually being able to undertake such work.

Hence, I am considering finding a temporary job in a community pharmacy, in order to get sort of a reality check. Another option, which would however not give me the clinical experience, is to work in the university. As it looks now, the faculties of pharmacy and medicine will be merged in 2012, and I see that as a great opportunity to work with IPE! And with all the inspiration, ideas, and connection I gained in the IPE conference in Arizona, I really wouldn’t mind continuing down that lane.

At the moment of writing, I am on my way home from my visit to USA, waiting for my connection in London. My plan is to go back to my faculty and try to convince them to hire me to do IPE coordination. Meanwhile, I will be looking into job opportunities in pharmacies, but I also have to consider something very short term – the Danish social security system only allows for unemployed to be “inactive” for maximum three months, meaning that from the beginning of 2012 I will have to be doing something. Could be course work, e.g. in lean management, could be kind of an internship, or well - a real job. ;)

Also, I will investigate the PhD possibilities. After all, my list of pros and cons in this text points quite clearly in the “go-for-it” direction! 

Post graduation

YEAY, I've graduated! :) Now I am finally a real pharmacists, with the fancy "Cand. Pharm" title! My defense went really well, and I am very proud to have wrapped up my 6 years of studying! Here is a link to the video recording of my defense. 

As I was describing in previous posts, I am not sure what I want to work with professionally. I have many ideas though, and I am currently working on a strategy to get a job that makes sense! More about this later on. Right now I'd like to turn to a slightly more frustrated topic - being unemployed. 

During my studies I was always looking forward to holidays and graduation... Time where I didn't have to feel bad because I was neglecting my homework, friends, workout, etc. I was looking forward to free time, time I could spend reading books, with friends, at museums, going through old photos, or whatever. Now I have time, and what do I do? Nothing... I have more time at hand than ever before, fewer tasks and responsibilities, but I get nothing done. Yet I am also more stressed, than I've been for a long time!

Its a bit of a paradox... It takes A LOT of "busy-ness" to stress me out, but I can't handle not to be busy. I get frustrated and lazy, despite the fact that I actually have a lot of things to do. I could easily fill my day with productive tasks, but I can't even really point out how I actually spend my time! All the projects I've been working on during my studies now appear to be unmanageably demanding, though the amount of work is the same and I have more time than ever.

So well, lesson learned - being busy is good for me. :) Therefore, the meeting I had with my thesis advisor, Lotte, November 8th, came at a good time. We agreed that I should spend some time writing a journal article from my thesis, which will give me a bit of actual work to do in December. I left the meeting feeling energized and motivated to get started - another sign that I really need to find a job, I suppose!

Late night talking

Soundtrack: Sigur Rós - Samskeyti

A month ago I found myself in a very beneficial situation. I was in my living room with two amazing girls, Lies from the Netherlands and Kajsa from Sweden, both trainers in this years edition of Leadership Summer School (LSS). It was one of those nights where you feel like time stands still, and the world revolves around you and that room only. I'm not sure where the talk started, and there is unfortunately no way I can recall all the details, but I feel like I went to bed a lot wiser.

Kajsa, me, and Lies

We talked about us. Our families, our experiences, and our personal development, especially in the light of LSS. We talked about others. The people we worked with in LSS, the trainers, participants, and the organisers. We gossiped, sharing our perspectives and impressions about personalities and situations - mirroring ourselves and reflecting about out experiences.

We talked about opening one door, and finding ten new doors to choose from behind the first one. We discussed how some people are blindfolded, and never see the first door. That others are too narrow minded to see all the next ten. And that some people are too scared to open any of them. 

We talked about the universe, and what is beyond. And how did we end up out there, you may ask? Well, it was about the doors I think, relating it to the movie "Sliding Doors" where the story develops in two different directions determined by if the main character catches a train or not. The same idea with our doors - is there an infinite number of parallel universes, all differing a bit because of the choices we make?

We talked about relationships. What it is we need, and what we definitely don't need! Whether the craving for personal development ever stops; if you can find a man who is so balanced, that he doesn't need to read any more books? We concluded that someone who feels no need for self development would have a cocky approach to life, and would indeed most likely not be considered potential. Such a man would belong in the group of people who do not see the doors mentioned above.

We talked about some very personal things. I was unintentionally coached into realising some things I need to do - and afterwards, we realised it had been just like a coaching session, and unintentionally started debriefing it. Then we realised that we were debriefing, and started laughing, shaking our heads to the fact that we are so unable to separate our trainer-way-of-thinking from non-training-related matters. And from there, I believe we got into talking about how much we have indeed learned about ourselves, others, and the world through trainings.

We talked about the power we as trainers can have on the people around us. About the responsibility that comes with an ability like that, and how it can be abused to manipulate people. About how important it is to show people a door, but not drag them through it.

So what did I learn that night, between midnight and 5 AM?

Well, I got some specific suggestions I want to work on, and I was reminded that the world can be seen from many perspectives. That it matters to ask others for their opinions, and that their stories can also make a difference in my life. I learned how big an impact I can have on other people.

And, I was reminded just how important it is to have friends. Really good friends.

We recapped the night talk over a 4 hour brunch the next day. :) 

Do something every day that scares you

Soundtrack: Everybody's free to wear sunscreen (watch it first, then put it on again while reading... :))


Written August 17th
I went swimming today, and in the showers they have this huge bucket mounted so it can be tipped and spill like 25 L of water over whoever is brave enough to pull the rope. It reminded me of the Bazz Luhrman speech/song "Everybody is free to wear sunscreen" - an excellent speech to a graduating class full of advice for life. One of them is "Do something every day that scares you" (at 1.30 mins in the video).

And I started wondering... What scares me?

That bucket of water scares me. And now that I am sitting here, working on my thesis, needing some action, I almost regret that I didn't pull the robe. Well, next time I will. I promise...!


September 1st
So, now I have been to the pool twice after I wrote that I would pul that robe, and....... (drum roll)... I have become a very big fan of the cold water bucket! Really so refreshing - not just because of the cold water, but also having to face yourself, saying "DO IT!", realising it will be a shock. And then afterwards, feeling proud and vikingly, it can only be a good day. :)

I have continued thinking about what scares me. I posted the question "What scares you" on my Facebook profile, expecting that people would post some suggestions that I could learn from... Instead, they pointed out that the things that scares them (such as jumping out of the window from the 9th floor), is not the kind of thing you would like to do. Especially not one thing every day, though one would be unlikely to survive even day 1.

That made me think more about the meaning of the phrase, or maybe more about the purpose. For me, the point is that facing my fears helps me grow, because I move my boundaries each time. Of course the literal statement needs to be taken with a grain of salt, but still I find it to be a very useful challenge!

I went on to google it. "What scares you" - it led to other blogs, where the same question has been discussed, with some thought evoking results. There are different levels of scary things I suppose: Obviously there are the things that might kill you, leading to a very healthy fear indeed... There are bad things that might happen that you cannot prevent (death, disease, and other unfortunate events). Also, there are things such as letting people down, not living your dreams, etc., which are also not the kind of fears you wanna put to the test every day, just because it scares you.

No, the kind of scary things I am after are the challenges. I will keep my eyes open and inform in a later post what I figure out. As always, suggestions are very welcome! :)

Thesis stress sets one's values straight!

Luckily for my thesis / unfortunately for my blog I have spent a lot of time the past weeks getting the report into proper frames before deadline 30th September... Sigh. This brings me straight to the topic of choice for tonight. Thesis stress.

Though as you know I prefer not to use the word "stress", just like I try to use "challenge" instead of "problem". So lets say that I am just under a bit of pressure these days, finishing my thesis. This is a situation, which indeed sets one's priorities straight!

Personal priorities and values are concepts I have been continuously faced with during my attempts to get out of the wilderness and onto a clearer path - metaphorically speaking, obviously. I remember when I realised how values can serve as support for decision making - it was in a training session in LSS 2010 with the title "Focus and Time Management", I was delivering it with Wendelien, and I felt somewhat hypocritical trying to help people finding their way in life, when I didn't even know where I was going myself. We managed well though, and I learned a lot myself in that session.

I realised that the foundation of making decisions consists of values. I think its like this... If you have clear goals in life, you can easily identify your priorities, and those can be used for guidance. Without clear goals the priorities can be more foggy, and you need to consider also your values before the priorities stand out, but fear not - it is actually not as complicated as it sounds! :)

So what I did was this: Look at a list of values, and identify 10 that are the most important to you. Then sort of the 5 which are your top priorities. Write them down, e.g. on a post-it, and stick it somewhere you are remind often.

The values in this wordle above are among the ones that are most important to me. I have them written down; its not like I carry it around with me, but I like to look at it once in a while, and think things over...

I got to think about the topic of this post when I was considering how I am spending my time now that I am under pressure due to the thesis-writing. What things I feel like I can't move from my calendar; the things that make me less stressed. Those include workout and dinners with my sister, while meetings with friends and parties seem to less important. And actually, now that my deadline is coming closer, I really feel like I am becoming a lot more efficient, and not allowing myself all those procrastinations I used to. Like cleaning the windows, even though they could use it! It feels really good to work in a more focused manner - consistent with the achievement and integrity in the wordle, since I believe in dedication to a task! :)

Now I "just" need to figure out how those values can help me along in deciding where I overall want to go with my life... :D Suggestions and thoughts are more than welcome!

My speech from LSS

During the Leadership Summer School (LSS) this year we had a TEDx inspired session with speeches given by LSS participants and trainers. We called it "LSS Inspire", and it was truly one of the most motivating events I have ever taken part in. More about this is a later post. :)

During LSS Inspire I wrote this short speech, which I delivered during the closing ceremony.

Finding your way in life

We have almost a lifetime ahead of us. With decisions to make and roads to walk. Roads, which will lead us to the end of our lives, where, hopefully, we will have an incredible story to tell.

But how to choose the roads to walk? Personally, I don’t know where I am going. I find it hard to answer questions about where I want to be in just 5-10 years.

Its not that I don’t have dreams, there are just too many variables. Therefore, sometimes it is hard for me to figure out what way I need to go. In case you feel the same, I would like to share with you an approach I have applied to my life recently. Are you ready to hear it?

Choose the paths that lead to the best stories.

When you look back on your life from your future, what experiences will be the most memorable? Choose those.

This approach can be applied on many levels in your life, like choosing whether you should go on a trip somewhere or not. Create the stories.

My aim with this speech is to give you inspiration to create a life full of experiences, full of memories. So let me repeat: Choose the paths that lead to the best stories.

Thank you! 

Revolutionary Road

I just had the pleasure of watching Revolutionary Road. A story of a couple in the 50'ies America, with dreams that are bigger than what can be satisfied by a mediocre suburban life. They want the same, they have similar dreams, and she is ready to break out of the ordinary - but he is afraid to face the challenge. A typical case of talking the walk, but not walking the talk.

It made me think... What would I do? Its one of those movies where most people would probably identify themselves with the female lead, who has enough courage to follow her dreams, but really... Honestly - is that what we do? Or do we take the safe road, which will prevent us from fulfilling our true desires? Two thoughts on this...

One: What are MY true desires?

Truth is, I don't know. Truth is also that I have been thinking about this for quite a while, without being able to formulate anything that makes sense.

"Oh, you're graduating soon, then what do you want to do?!" I don't know.

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?" I don't know.

"Where do you wanna go with your life, how will YOU make a difference, WHAT IS YOU BIGGEST DREAM?!" I DON'T KNOW!!!

... Do I sound frustrated? Well, I am. A bit. But just a bit.

I want to say that it doesn't matter. That it makes no difference to me right now that I don't have a goal to aim for. That it gives me a feeling of freedom to be open to whatever opportunities I might encounter. And that is true. And at the same time, it isn't.

The freedom IS awesome! Because in 2 months I will graduate, and I have the world ahead of me. I am young, naïve, and idealistic enough to believe that I can do whatever I want! And no, it doesn't scare me that I don't know what it is I want, 'cause I am sure some opportunity will turn up - and then nothing prevents me from taking it. I see myself as a little birdie, running towards the edge of a cliff to try if my wings are strong enough to keep me from falling, and tell you what... I have reason to think that they are.

(My greetings goes out to the lady from the Danish Medicines Agency whom in January 2009 in Amsterdam full of antipathy called me "a young, naïve idealist". I have been proud of that ever since, and I hope I will never grow out of that description.)

What however does bother me that tiny bit is the fact that I would be a good deal more efficient in choosing my way in life if I had a notion of what I want to achieve. Im ok with the fact that anything I do is a step towards my goal, whatever it may be, 'cause all experiences will bring me forward. But intentionally pursuing an aim would give another motivation for progress and development, another energy to move forward.

I recognize the motivation from many other elements of my life, say trainings or EPSA. The motivation to improve something, to see the goal and to work towards it, and to celebrate the achievement once we get there. That feeling is awesome. And without goals, there will be no achievements. Or at least they will be random. And randomness is maybe not specifically what I would like as the major driving force in my life.

Two: The "story path" guideline applies

So what do I do now? Its not like I can make up an aim just like that. I guess that is what this blog is about - finding a goal and a way in life. For now, I think I will go with a thought I presented in a speech to a group of friends not so long ago. Its actually very simple:

Choose the paths that lead to the best stories. 

I will upload the speech in another post, and for now let me just briefly explain the idea. It is a combination of different aspects; the freedom to choose and the lack of goals, the desire to explore the world and to experience something that is worth telling others. And worth reliving in memories. This is how I am currently making decisions, 'cause let me tell you, it is not always easy to be ambitious and yet lacking goals in life!

This is at least a guideline, and I guess in some way also an aim. To have good stories to tell. 

My new blog

I just realised that I need a new blog. Its like only stories related to my exchange in Arizona and the trip in Mexico belongs in the old one (see link in the menu to the right), so I decided that it makes no sense to try to continue writing my thoughts there. I need something different.

So here you go. My new blog about finding my way in life.

Its funny how one of the first pictures I posted in my former blog would suit so perfectly in the first post here also. The road sign - once again I am standing on the verge of something new, something big. Last time it was when I relocated my life to the other side of the world for half a year. This time...

I graduate with a master degree in pharmacy in October, and I guess I am supposed to know what I want to with it. I don't. My aim with this blog is to figure out what it is I want to do with my life, or at least to come closer to an idea. It is my hope that the writing will facilitate some sort of thought process, and help me structure my thoughts into something more tangible - something that will clarify things a bit.

The last couple of years have been fantastic, and have taught me more about myself than I ever expected. I will try to use this blog to figure out what it really is I have learned, and also find ways to discover even more.

Maybe, somewhere along the road I will find some answers to where I am going. And between the indefinite number of roads find one I would like to walk.

I felt like I had to put a picture of a road... I like this one! :)