Revolutionary Road

I just had the pleasure of watching Revolutionary Road. A story of a couple in the 50'ies America, with dreams that are bigger than what can be satisfied by a mediocre suburban life. They want the same, they have similar dreams, and she is ready to break out of the ordinary - but he is afraid to face the challenge. A typical case of talking the walk, but not walking the talk.

It made me think... What would I do? Its one of those movies where most people would probably identify themselves with the female lead, who has enough courage to follow her dreams, but really... Honestly - is that what we do? Or do we take the safe road, which will prevent us from fulfilling our true desires? Two thoughts on this...

One: What are MY true desires?

Truth is, I don't know. Truth is also that I have been thinking about this for quite a while, without being able to formulate anything that makes sense.

"Oh, you're graduating soon, then what do you want to do?!" I don't know.

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?" I don't know.

"Where do you wanna go with your life, how will YOU make a difference, WHAT IS YOU BIGGEST DREAM?!" I DON'T KNOW!!!

... Do I sound frustrated? Well, I am. A bit. But just a bit.

I want to say that it doesn't matter. That it makes no difference to me right now that I don't have a goal to aim for. That it gives me a feeling of freedom to be open to whatever opportunities I might encounter. And that is true. And at the same time, it isn't.

The freedom IS awesome! Because in 2 months I will graduate, and I have the world ahead of me. I am young, naïve, and idealistic enough to believe that I can do whatever I want! And no, it doesn't scare me that I don't know what it is I want, 'cause I am sure some opportunity will turn up - and then nothing prevents me from taking it. I see myself as a little birdie, running towards the edge of a cliff to try if my wings are strong enough to keep me from falling, and tell you what... I have reason to think that they are.

(My greetings goes out to the lady from the Danish Medicines Agency whom in January 2009 in Amsterdam full of antipathy called me "a young, naïve idealist". I have been proud of that ever since, and I hope I will never grow out of that description.)

What however does bother me that tiny bit is the fact that I would be a good deal more efficient in choosing my way in life if I had a notion of what I want to achieve. Im ok with the fact that anything I do is a step towards my goal, whatever it may be, 'cause all experiences will bring me forward. But intentionally pursuing an aim would give another motivation for progress and development, another energy to move forward.

I recognize the motivation from many other elements of my life, say trainings or EPSA. The motivation to improve something, to see the goal and to work towards it, and to celebrate the achievement once we get there. That feeling is awesome. And without goals, there will be no achievements. Or at least they will be random. And randomness is maybe not specifically what I would like as the major driving force in my life.

Two: The "story path" guideline applies

So what do I do now? Its not like I can make up an aim just like that. I guess that is what this blog is about - finding a goal and a way in life. For now, I think I will go with a thought I presented in a speech to a group of friends not so long ago. Its actually very simple:

Choose the paths that lead to the best stories. 

I will upload the speech in another post, and for now let me just briefly explain the idea. It is a combination of different aspects; the freedom to choose and the lack of goals, the desire to explore the world and to experience something that is worth telling others. And worth reliving in memories. This is how I am currently making decisions, 'cause let me tell you, it is not always easy to be ambitious and yet lacking goals in life!

This is at least a guideline, and I guess in some way also an aim. To have good stories to tell.