I fell in love - right then and there, with one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. It was in Sicily, on a sunny day in late April, and I remember the feeling when I had to leave, alone, and slightly heartbroken. And very surprised, when I came to think of the whole situation.
My new love was a bag from Desigual, and to be honest, I didn't actually leave the store empty handed, and in particular not alone. With me I had a dress and a skirt from the same shop, a bag full of new make-up from across the street, and other purchases of the day. Furthermore, I was with some of my very best friends in the whole wide world - my European family, whom are usually the target of my primary expenditures, with significant amounts spent on traveling. As I feel like it should be.
And that is just the thing... I tend to not be very materialistic, I can hardly imagine ever spending more than 100€ on anything for my wardrobe, and things in general tend to mean little to me. I have few things, which I would suffer from losing, and that rather of practical reasons than of love to the thing itself.
But with the love for this bag, I suddenly noticed a change in my behavior over the recent years. Shoes, gadgets, and stuff in general means a lot more to me than ever before. Its even so that I feel like my life priorities are shifting from choosing experiences and adventures towards getting more stuff! SCARY!
In fact, my current desire to buy a new bike is split between two purposes: 1) The love for biking, soaring through the landscape, getting from A to B in a quick, environmentally and health-friendly way, and 2) THE LOVE FOR THE BIKE ITSELF, which is something I have only experienced rarely in my past.
Does this mean that I am becoming more materialistic? I guess it is the quintessential meaning of the word. And I don't like it.
Note that I don't mean materialistic in a political sense; rather, its a question about priorities and focus. I'm starting to think: Would I rather go to *some* event or buy this or that? For the money I am planning to spend on my next trip, should I instead buy *something*? Of course it is reasonable to consider the financial options before spending a lot of money, but I'd rather think back on a life full of experiences than on a life full of things!
Thinking about this for some weeks now, I have come to the realisation that the fear of stuff comes from a desire to remain free and flexible. This will sound overly philosophical, but anyway: While I can bring my memories everywhere, I feel like the things I own are somehow tying me down. They limit my flexibility, my mobility.
I guess its a zen-thing, being free from "earthly belongings". And an immaturity thing - conclusion becoming that I am scared of settling down and being tied to one place with all my stuff. Hmm... Once again I'm in a situation where my values and priorities are put to the test. Incredible, what a bag can do to you, huh?
Slippery slope? Who knows. I don't wanna be materialistic, but this bag makes me happy... And I've gotta have it!!
("My precioussssss..."!!)
Thursday, May 09, 2013
Saturday, April 06, 2013
A perfect Easter
This time I went abroad without a specific purpose. Well, besides having a good time of course, but I suppose thats a general wish for trips (and for staying at home, for that matter). Lately, I have been searching for clarity, however, and maybe there was also an "unthought wish" that this trip could clear things up a bit. With the itinerary as it was, opportunities were open.
Frankly, I don't recall ever having a trip as unplanned as this. Fly to Venice Wednesday, stay there for a bit, be picked up by Riky Friday, and then go to Ljubljana. Fly back from Venice Tuesday again. Staying where, doing what? Doesn't matter. It was the company that was important. I'll describe the highlights:
It was raining throughout the trip. Every day, every hour, and while it was a bit annoying at times, now I don't really feel like it had any major impact on the quality of the trip. Venice was nice, obviously more wet than usual - it was the rain, though, that suddenly gave me a bit of resurrection, to use a big word. I know how to get the best out of a rainy day, and dressed in rain pants and jacket, boots, and with an umbrella, the rain was not stopping my tour of Venice. Silly as it sounds, that situation just made me feel fantastic - on top of the situation, capable... Strong and happy. :)
Another clarity moment was when I got into Riky's car, and we set out for Ljubljana. It was an amazing feeling - sitting there, with someone I had been looking so much forward to seeing, with no worries, just on an adventure. Shaping life as you want it, not just going with a boring flow. Wow! It was a bubbly, childish happiness somehow, carefree and energizing.
The next couple of days we spent with Austin and Ivana, and while I was suffering from a cold, I could have imagined no better place in the world to be. Well, besides the rain, but who really cares when there is a fireplace, warm tea, delicious food, and the best company? We spent the evenings out and Sunday afternoon driving through the beautiful Slovenian nature. These days were so unbelievingly relaxing... We slept there for just two nights, but I felt like I had been on at least a week of vacation when I left the flat Sunday afternoon.
I went to meet with Borut, and considering my lack of voice due to the cold, that was a wise choice: That man has so much to say, and I loved listening for an hour or so over a cappuccino in the top of the "Skyscraper", with a view of Ljubljana. It was really a pleasure to see someone speak so passionately of what they do, obviously reminding me that my own work situation needs to change.
Amra was the next person on my list, conveniently working in the Ljubljana Castle history museum. Excellent chance to learn more about the background of Slovenia while spending some time with a good friend! We had dinner, then Ina the flatmate made pancakes, and I crashed on the couch and pretty much slept for 12 hours - exhausted from coughing. Back at the castle Monday, I had a private tour of post-WW2 Slovenian history, which gave me a useful understanding of the current culture. :)
Next, I met with Miha in the center, and he took me to his favorite pub-ish place by the river. They had this amazingly thick hot chocolate, which I have only found in Balkan countries - uhm! And again, I realised that I was sitting across from a man who has found his true calling. To see Miha talk about his work was very inspiring - it was like his expression changed when he described what he does, with a lot of passion shining subtly, yet clearly, from him. A completely different kind of person from Borut, they however both gave me the same feeling of desire to find something like that for myself.
Miha left me with an advice: "Stop worrying. Relax, you will find your place." So the rest of the evening I spent utterly carefree with a girl whom has come to mean a lot to me the last couple of years - Jasna. We had a delicious dinner and then went to a café for amazing cakes and cappuccinos, and then strolled through the rain to my couch of the night at Demjan's place.
On the way back to Venice airport, ridiculously early the next (snowy!!) morning, I reflected on the trip. It had been perfect. 6 nights in total only, but it felt like so much had happened, I met with so many and seen so much! A lot of new motivation to go home and then forward - energized and filled with love and a rare sense of clarity. Finally.
Frankly, I don't recall ever having a trip as unplanned as this. Fly to Venice Wednesday, stay there for a bit, be picked up by Riky Friday, and then go to Ljubljana. Fly back from Venice Tuesday again. Staying where, doing what? Doesn't matter. It was the company that was important. I'll describe the highlights:
It was raining throughout the trip. Every day, every hour, and while it was a bit annoying at times, now I don't really feel like it had any major impact on the quality of the trip. Venice was nice, obviously more wet than usual - it was the rain, though, that suddenly gave me a bit of resurrection, to use a big word. I know how to get the best out of a rainy day, and dressed in rain pants and jacket, boots, and with an umbrella, the rain was not stopping my tour of Venice. Silly as it sounds, that situation just made me feel fantastic - on top of the situation, capable... Strong and happy. :)
 |
| Austin, Ivana, and Riky with the Ljubljana Castle in the background. |
Another clarity moment was when I got into Riky's car, and we set out for Ljubljana. It was an amazing feeling - sitting there, with someone I had been looking so much forward to seeing, with no worries, just on an adventure. Shaping life as you want it, not just going with a boring flow. Wow! It was a bubbly, childish happiness somehow, carefree and energizing.
The next couple of days we spent with Austin and Ivana, and while I was suffering from a cold, I could have imagined no better place in the world to be. Well, besides the rain, but who really cares when there is a fireplace, warm tea, delicious food, and the best company? We spent the evenings out and Sunday afternoon driving through the beautiful Slovenian nature. These days were so unbelievingly relaxing... We slept there for just two nights, but I felt like I had been on at least a week of vacation when I left the flat Sunday afternoon.
I went to meet with Borut, and considering my lack of voice due to the cold, that was a wise choice: That man has so much to say, and I loved listening for an hour or so over a cappuccino in the top of the "Skyscraper", with a view of Ljubljana. It was really a pleasure to see someone speak so passionately of what they do, obviously reminding me that my own work situation needs to change.
Amra was the next person on my list, conveniently working in the Ljubljana Castle history museum. Excellent chance to learn more about the background of Slovenia while spending some time with a good friend! We had dinner, then Ina the flatmate made pancakes, and I crashed on the couch and pretty much slept for 12 hours - exhausted from coughing. Back at the castle Monday, I had a private tour of post-WW2 Slovenian history, which gave me a useful understanding of the current culture. :)Next, I met with Miha in the center, and he took me to his favorite pub-ish place by the river. They had this amazingly thick hot chocolate, which I have only found in Balkan countries - uhm! And again, I realised that I was sitting across from a man who has found his true calling. To see Miha talk about his work was very inspiring - it was like his expression changed when he described what he does, with a lot of passion shining subtly, yet clearly, from him. A completely different kind of person from Borut, they however both gave me the same feeling of desire to find something like that for myself.
Miha left me with an advice: "Stop worrying. Relax, you will find your place." So the rest of the evening I spent utterly carefree with a girl whom has come to mean a lot to me the last couple of years - Jasna. We had a delicious dinner and then went to a café for amazing cakes and cappuccinos, and then strolled through the rain to my couch of the night at Demjan's place.On the way back to Venice airport, ridiculously early the next (snowy!!) morning, I reflected on the trip. It had been perfect. 6 nights in total only, but it felt like so much had happened, I met with so many and seen so much! A lot of new motivation to go home and then forward - energized and filled with love and a rare sense of clarity. Finally.
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