If you believe in a creator, who lays out our paths, then the question/cliché/belief/motto makes sense: You'd trust that even bad things happening to you would be decided by a higher power, in order to bring you forward, even if at the moment you don't understand why or how. Call it destiny if you will - in any case, one somewhat accepts the intervention of a higher power with a purpose.
This model doesn't work for me. Even if I have an agnostic approach to life, I do not believe in God, destiny, intelligent creation etc. (But I do believe in energy flows - maybe I will come back to that later.) Anyway, I have a usual answer to people flinging the "everything happens for a reason" into a conversation at more or less appropriate times (often for comfort if something bad has happened). I usually respond that I disagree, but that you can always get the best out of the situation. I.e. even if it is not your fault what has happened, you can still try to take back control, and shape the situation as good as you can.
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| Beware that you might have to look over your shoulder to see it! |
But, I must admit, that maybe my reply has been too narrow. I can now see other perspectives as well: Yes, there is a reason why everything happens. Like a cause-and-effect kind of reason. Circumstances made this happened - you see what I mean? So it's a backward-facing reason why things happen, not forward-facing, destiny style. And if you can figure out WHY things happened, i.e. what the reason was for something happening, then you can use THAT to get the best out of the situation.
Maybe an example will be useful: You have a passion, around which you create a project. You work on this for months, and apply for a grant, which can make or break your success with this project. But you don't get it. You're very disappointed! You think "everything happens for a reason", and
a) apathically trust that your destiny will take you to a better place.
b) trust that this was for a greater good, the project wasn't meant to be, and try to put it behind you, leaving the pieces, and move forward in another direction.
c) accept that you can't control all matters, you pick up the pieces and, looking forward, consider what would be the best way to go from here
d) look backwards to understand WHY it didn't happen. What can you learn from this, which can be used to bring you forward?
I hope that a) doesn't happen all too often. But I think that b) is quite a common reaction, despite the fact that this is also a way of giving up. c) is reasonable in many situations, especially where you really did not have any influence on the circumstances, but d) seems to me like the most conscious way of reacting.
Yeah, I am over analyzing a little bit, but I think this is an interesting perspective to a common cliché. Usually I would place myself in c), but sometimes I even pull a b). And from now on, definitely more d)'s!
So. Next time someone flings the cliché at me, I will be reminded to take another look over my shoulder before I move on, heedlessly into my future. And I will thank her.
