Do you ever have one of those days where reality is intimidating? Where you realise your insignificance in comparison with the potential of your surroundings, and it feels like your place in the world is constrained to a bare minimum in order to fit everybody else?
I have a moment like that right now.
Its not surprising, as I have been talking with a lot of people lately about happiness, dreams, and opportunities, that multiply as we take them. I have explicitly expressed the ability people have to create their own happiness, but that realisation comes with high expectations and pressure. At least if you want to be happy. And who doesn't.
So see where it has taken me on this slightly paranoid day... At a turning point in my life, in the midst of a quarterlife crisis, trying to figure out what it is I want to achieve in this world, however feeling more like just burrowing myself in my bed or another safe place. Well, that's not gonna get me very far, now is it...
Of course this triggers my rational curiosity. Why on Earth... (observing myself with a slightly disapproving, however also compassionate smile - self-assessment time!) Where does this come from? Why do I feel like the world is beyond me?
I want to write that it comes down to fear. Fear of failure. But I don't want to jump to conclusions, so let's see if I can talk myself through this.
I must admit that I am writing about some things here, which are quite sensitive to me, and I can feel how all my internal defense mechanisms have been activated. Like there is something hidden that my unconscious mind would prefer to keep that way. But, dear subconsciousness, how can I develop myself if I cannot even realise what the true limitation is? How can I calm the screaming voice in my gut if I cant hear what she is saying? OK, so, tuning in.. (Gee!)
"What if I can't do it?" - Do what?! Still I'm not even aware of what exactly I want to do, so wouldn't it be reasonable to figure that out first?
"But what if admitting my dreams makes me realise that me can't ever achieve them? I would be unhappy forever!" - Hmm, might be, but not knowing what I really want kinda leaves me in a weak position to reach it, don't you think?
(Still super tense.)
"It would be so embarrassing and humiliating to fail..." - Really, thats a factor? What other people think? "More towards myself. I'm not sure I could take the defeat." - Not trying is the only way to defeat. Failure is a step on the way to success. "Bullshit."
Ok, detour needed. This is gonna take some persuasion...
To be continued.
"What if I can't do it?" - Do what?! Still I'm not even aware of what exactly I want to do, so wouldn't it be reasonable to figure that out first?
ReplyDelete-ekhym, you've got the point here. You can never say you can't do it if you don't know what it really is.
"But what if admitting my dreams makes me realise that me can't ever achieve them? I would be unhappy forever!" - Hmm, might be, but not knowing what I really want kinda leaves me in a weak position to reach it, don't you think?
-how on earth by admitting your dreams, you realise that you can never achieve them? It only makes you realise in which direction you want to go and only after some studies you can say if the path is hard or not. Nothing is impossible. Realising the dream is the first step to achieve it, not the last to fail.
"It would be so embarrassing and humiliating to fail..."
- the opposite. To fail woud mean that you have tried. To fail would mean that you have learned. To fail would mean that you are one step closer to winning. It would mean that you are steeeeps ahead than millions of people dreaming about future, not trying to live it.
So, as I said before. Go for it.
Let's.