Yes, everything happens for a reason.

The question of whether "everything happens for a reason" is one that has come up in discussions regularly. Not just in my life, but through all times, I suppose. Today I got another view on it, while walking with Sanne...

If you believe in a creator, who lays out our paths, then the question/cliché/belief/motto makes sense: You'd trust that even bad things happening to you would be decided by a higher power, in order to bring you forward, even if at the moment you don't understand why or how. Call it destiny if you will - in any case, one somewhat accepts the intervention of a higher power with a purpose.

This model doesn't work for me. Even if I have an agnostic approach to life, I do not believe in God, destiny, intelligent creation etc. (But I do believe in energy flows - maybe I will come back to that later.) Anyway, I have a usual answer to people flinging the "everything happens for a reason" into a conversation at more or less appropriate times (often for comfort if something bad has happened). I usually respond that I disagree, but that you can always get the best out of the situation. I.e. even if it is not your fault what has happened, you can still try to take back control, and shape the situation as good as you can.

Beware that you might have to look over your shoulder to see it! 

But, I must admit, that maybe my reply has been too narrow. I can now see other perspectives as well: Yes, there is a reason why everything happens. Like a cause-and-effect kind of reason. Circumstances made this happened - you see what I mean? So it's a backward-facing reason why things happen, not forward-facing, destiny style. And if you can figure out WHY things happened, i.e. what the reason was for something happening, then you can use THAT to get the best out of the situation.

Maybe an example will be useful: You have a passion, around which you create a project. You work on this for months, and apply for a grant, which can make or break your success with this project. But you don't get it. You're very disappointed! You think "everything happens for a reason", and
     a) apathically trust that your destiny will take you to a better place.
     b) trust that this was for a greater good, the project wasn't meant to be, and try to put it behind you,          leaving the pieces, and move forward in another direction.
     c) accept that you can't control all matters, you pick up the pieces and, looking forward, consider            what would be the best way to go from here
     d) look backwards to understand WHY it didn't happen. What can you learn from this, which can            be used to bring you forward?

I hope that a) doesn't happen all too often. But I think that b) is quite a common reaction, despite the fact that this is also a way of giving up. c) is reasonable in many situations, especially where you really did not have any influence on the circumstances, but d) seems to me like the most conscious way of reacting.

Yeah, I am over analyzing a little bit, but I think this is an interesting perspective to a common cliché. Usually I would place myself in c), but sometimes I even pull a b). And from now on, definitely more d)'s!

So. Next time someone flings the cliché at me, I will be reminded to take another look over my shoulder before I move on, heedlessly into my future. And I will thank her.

2 little stories

Lies is right, of course - writing just a little bit is better than nothing. Even when it is just a thought or doubt, an experience, an idea, or a story. Today I've got two little stories to tell.

As I was going home from a meeting the other night, I was on my roller skates on the bike path. As it usually happens, bikes passing me just ring their bell, and I move to the side, so they can easily pass. One guy surprised me though - not with the bell, but by saying "thank you!" as he passed me. I couldn't help smiling - it was so unnecessary to say anything, yet somehow it felt good to be politely greeted there, on the road, as the day came to an end. As I was catching up on him at the next traffic light, I thought I would thank him back, for passing easily and for making me smile. However, he moved on before I could reach him. I will remember to genuinely greet and thank people as often as possible. :)

So as I was greeting the homeless man with the cowboy hat who is selling magazines outside my supermarket, he was smiled somewhat stiffly. Then, as he pointed to his teeth, I realised he wanted me to pay some special attention, so I can a little closer, smiling back at him. Queitly he said "... new teeth..." and smiled a liiitle more, so that I could see his flawless new set of teeth. He was so happy and proud, that was easy to tell - the smile reached all the way up to his eyes! We agreed that we could now both smile to the world, and then I went home, with a warm and grateful feeling.

Age and synergy

Age doesn't matter, career wise. We both know this is true, and that it isn't. WE don't care about age. But we cannot ignore the fact that it matters to our surroundings. And THAT we can only ignore to a certain degree.

We need to make time pass. Just to become older. But we cannot waste time, we are incapable of wasting time, yet we need to be older to do what we want to do. You know I stumble upon paradoxes in everything, and this is a paradox: We will always be ahead. Wasting time means exploring, engaging, experiencing - discovering, developing... Stepping forward. Ahead.

But why are you in such a rush? Where is it you're going?

Maybe I'm just mirroring myself in you. Maybe I fear loosing my own identity, seeing my abilities drown in yours. My identity overshadowed. At the same time I need and hate your governance. Ooooooh... How could I miss this... How could I miss this?! Such irony. It's about synergy.

Realising your recognition boosts me into not needing it. Striving for and receiving acknowledgement sets me free from the limitation it is to seek approval before believing for real.

The same about age. Just forget about it - you do right in ignoring. Trust builds on confidence, and it's abilities that matter. No... Not abilities. Belief. Yours and theirs. Mine. Abilities are secondary. Confidence will lead to trust. A tall house needs a strong foundation.

You're a brick in my foundation. With confidence, I become a brick in yours - you already consider me as such. Not seeing this is what makes me feel governed. But in fact, we are equal. We can fully benefit when I realise that my foundation is strong enough without you. Now I see that I can bring you higher as well. That is true synergy.

Its about 1+1 being either 1.5, 2, or 3. About internal integrity. Not about interdependency for existence, but for reaching full potentials. And its exactly the same with the professions.

Materialism - My new thing!

I fell in love - right then and there, with one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. It was in Sicily, on a sunny day in late April, and I remember the feeling when I had to leave, alone, and slightly heartbroken. And very surprised, when I came to think of the whole situation.

My new love was a bag from Desigual, and to be honest, I didn't actually leave the store empty handed, and in particular not alone. With me I had a dress and a skirt from the same shop, a bag full of new make-up from across the street, and other purchases of the day. Furthermore, I was with some of my very best friends in the whole wide world - my European family, whom are usually the target of my primary expenditures, with significant amounts spent on traveling. As I feel like it should be.

And that is just the thing... I tend to not be very materialistic, I can hardly imagine ever spending more than 100€ on anything for my wardrobe, and things in general tend to mean little to me. I have few things, which I would suffer from losing, and that rather of practical reasons than of love to the thing itself.

But with the love for this bag, I suddenly noticed a change in my behavior over the recent years. Shoes, gadgets, and stuff in general means a lot more to me than ever before. Its even so that I feel like my life priorities are shifting from choosing experiences and adventures towards getting more stuff! SCARY!

In fact, my current desire to buy a new bike is split between two purposes: 1) The love for biking, soaring through the landscape, getting from A to B in a quick, environmentally and health-friendly way, and 2) THE LOVE FOR THE BIKE ITSELF, which is something I have only experienced rarely in my past.

Does this mean that I am becoming more materialistic? I guess it is the quintessential meaning of the word. And I don't like it.

Note that I don't mean materialistic in a political sense; rather, its a question about priorities and focus. I'm starting to think: Would I rather go to *some* event or buy this or that? For the money I am planning to spend on my next trip, should I instead buy *something*? Of course it is reasonable to consider the financial options before spending a lot of money, but I'd rather think back on a life full of experiences than on a life full of things!

Thinking about this for some weeks now, I have come to the realisation that the fear of stuff comes from a desire to remain free and flexible. This will sound overly philosophical, but anyway: While I can bring my memories everywhere, I feel like the things I own are somehow tying me down. They limit my flexibility, my mobility.

I guess its a zen-thing, being free from "earthly belongings". And an immaturity thing - conclusion becoming that I am scared of settling down and being tied to one place with all my stuff. Hmm... Once again I'm in a situation where my values and priorities are put to the test. Incredible, what a bag can do to you, huh?

Slippery slope? Who knows. I don't wanna be materialistic, but this bag makes me happy... And I've gotta have it!!


("My precioussssss..."!!)

A perfect Easter

This time I went abroad without a specific purpose. Well, besides having a good time of course, but I suppose thats a general wish for trips (and for staying at home, for that matter). Lately, I have been searching for clarity, however, and maybe there was also an "unthought wish" that this trip could clear things up a bit. With the itinerary as it was, opportunities were open.

Frankly, I don't recall ever having a trip as unplanned as this. Fly to Venice Wednesday, stay there for a bit, be picked up by Riky Friday, and then go to Ljubljana. Fly back from Venice Tuesday again. Staying where, doing what? Doesn't matter. It was the company that was important. I'll describe the highlights:

It was raining throughout the trip. Every day, every hour, and while it was a bit annoying at times, now I don't really feel like it had any major impact on the quality of the trip. Venice was nice, obviously more wet than usual - it was the rain, though, that suddenly gave me a bit of resurrection, to use a big word. I know how to get the best out of a rainy day, and dressed in rain pants and jacket, boots, and with an umbrella, the rain was not stopping my tour of Venice. Silly as it sounds, that situation just made me feel fantastic - on top of the situation, capable... Strong and happy. :)

Austin, Ivana, and Riky with the
Ljubljana Castle in the background.

Another clarity moment was when I got into Riky's car, and we set out for Ljubljana. It was an amazing feeling - sitting there, with someone I had been looking so much forward to seeing, with no worries, just on an adventure. Shaping life as you want it, not just going with a boring flow. Wow! It was a bubbly, childish happiness somehow, carefree and energizing.

The next couple of days we spent with Austin and Ivana, and while I was suffering from a cold, I could have imagined no better place in the world to be. Well, besides the rain, but who really cares when there is a fireplace, warm tea, delicious food, and the best company? We spent the evenings out and Sunday afternoon driving through the beautiful Slovenian nature. These days were so unbelievingly relaxing... We slept there for just two nights, but I felt like I had been on at least a week of vacation when I left the flat Sunday afternoon.

I went to meet with Borut, and considering my lack of voice due to the cold, that was a wise choice: That man has so much to say, and I loved listening for an hour or so over a cappuccino in the top of the  "Skyscraper", with a view of Ljubljana. It was really a pleasure to see someone speak so passionately of what they do, obviously reminding me that my own work situation needs to change.

Amra was the next person on my list, conveniently working in the Ljubljana Castle history museum. Excellent chance to learn more about the background of Slovenia while spending some time with a good friend! We had dinner, then Ina the flatmate made pancakes, and I crashed on the couch and pretty much slept for 12 hours - exhausted from coughing. Back at the castle Monday, I had a private tour of post-WW2 Slovenian history, which gave me a useful understanding of the current culture. :)

Next, I met with Miha in the center, and he took me to his favorite pub-ish place by the river. They had this amazingly thick hot chocolate, which I have only found in Balkan countries - uhm! And again, I realised that I was sitting across from a man who has found his true calling. To see Miha talk about his work was very inspiring - it was like his expression changed when he described what he does, with a lot of passion shining subtly, yet clearly, from him. A completely different kind of person from Borut, they however both gave me the same feeling of desire to find something like that for myself.

Miha left me with an advice: "Stop worrying. Relax, you will find your place." So the rest of the evening I spent utterly carefree with a girl whom has come to mean a lot to me the last couple of years - Jasna. We had a delicious dinner and then went to a café for amazing cakes and cappuccinos, and then strolled through the rain to my couch of the night at Demjan's place.

On the way back to Venice airport, ridiculously early the next (snowy!!) morning, I reflected on the trip. It had been perfect. 6 nights in total only, but it felt like so much had happened, I met with so many and seen so much! A lot of new motivation to go home and then forward - energized and filled with love and a rare sense of clarity. Finally.

When taste motivates

Once in a while we get a taste of something sweet, something utterly delicious - and we want more. The taste might be the knowledge of a job, which would be perfect, or a potential partner, who could rock the world, or something else, which we realise could be amazing to have. 

But we get just a taste. 

Those windows serve as inspiration for dreams, at least for me. They make me realise what I want with or in my life (which as you know is otherwise a sore spot for me). A taste that makes me light up, makes my heart beat, makes me dream of what might be - those are the moments I'm talking about!

But they can be volatile, such moments.  

I can feel that I have different options for handling them. One is to be disappointed and resign from the pursuit of something similar, thinking "there will never be anything as good as..." or "I never get what I want". This is the side of me that is afraid to dream, 'cause what if I will never be able to make my dreams come true? I would be unhappy forever!!

Then there is the more optimistic side of me, which (luckily!) is the predominant. This side uses the taste as motivation, remembers the taste, and keeps looking for it. The world is HUGE, there is FOR SURE something or someone else out there to give you the same satisfaction. 

It might feel like a loss, being deprived of the taste, but really it is a gain - an opportunity to realise how you can improve what you currently have. It makes you realise what it is you're looking for. It reminds you not to settle for less. 

Every little universe

With Aja on a train station somewhere in Holland. In May, on a warm spring day, after sharing ideas and dreams for a while. When her train took off, I was left with a feeling of how the sphere of her universe was moving away from mine. Like each of our universe spheres had been overlapping for a while, but where now no longer touching. Drifting apart in time and space.

Looking around, I saw other people's universes. Their personal spheres, like bubbles around their bodies. Some overlapping, but most of them drifting along the train tracks on their own - probably on their way somewhere, to meet with other spheres.

So many different worlds. Different lives. One life in each universe. When coinciding, sharing a place in time and space, sharing experiences, words, and maybe feelings. But still, in their individuality, so diverse, despite their similarities.

All those universes... Walking in the park, seeing people - acknowledging the existence of their spheres. Behind the walls of an apartment building, so many little worlds.  So near, yet so distant and unknown. All those lives, maybe similar to my own, but maybe not, and I will never know. Only some of them. Only those of whom my personal universe bubble will happen to overlap. Somewhere in the matrix of time and space.

Overcoming fear I - Tuning in

Do you ever have one of those days where reality is intimidating? Where you realise your insignificance in comparison with the potential of your surroundings, and it feels like your place in the world is constrained to a bare minimum in order to fit everybody else?

I have a moment like that right now.

Its not surprising, as I have been talking with a lot of people lately about happiness, dreams, and opportunities, that multiply as we take them. I have explicitly expressed the ability people have to create their own happiness, but that realisation comes with high expectations and pressure. At least if you want to be happy. And who doesn't.

So see where it has taken me on this slightly paranoid day... At a turning point in my life, in the midst of a quarterlife crisis, trying to figure out what it is I want to achieve in this world, however feeling more like just burrowing myself in my bed or another safe place. Well, that's not gonna get me very far, now is it...

Of course this triggers my rational curiosity. Why on Earth... (observing myself with a slightly disapproving, however also compassionate smile - self-assessment time!) Where does this come from? Why do I feel like the world is beyond me?

I want to write that it comes down to fear. Fear of failure. But I don't want to jump to conclusions, so let's see if I can talk myself through this.

I must admit that I am writing about some things here, which are quite sensitive to me, and I can feel how all my internal defense mechanisms have been activated. Like there is something hidden that my unconscious mind would prefer to keep that way. But, dear subconsciousness, how can I develop myself if I cannot even realise what the true limitation is? How can I calm the screaming voice in my gut if I cant hear what she is saying? OK, so, tuning in.. (Gee!)

"What if I can't do it?" - Do what?! Still I'm not even aware of what exactly I want to do, so wouldn't it be reasonable to figure that out first?

"But what if admitting my dreams makes me realise that me can't ever achieve them? I would be unhappy forever!" - Hmm, might be, but not knowing what I really want kinda leaves me in a weak position to reach it, don't you think?

(Still super tense.)

"It would be so embarrassing and humiliating to fail..." - Really, thats a factor? What other people think? "More towards myself. I'm not sure I could take the defeat." - Not trying is the only way to defeat. Failure is a step on the way to success. "Bullshit."


Ok, detour needed. This is gonna take some persuasion...

To be continued.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog

It is beyond me to describe in any way the magnificence of the novel "The elegance of the hedgehog" by Muriel Barbery. The book was present I got from Alexandra with the encouragement: "You will LOVE this one!" So true. The beautiful, intriguing, and at some points absurd and sarcastic, tone with which the clever story is written is different from any book that I have ever read.

Instead of giving you any sort of resumé or interpretation of the story, I will instead highlight some passages, which have specifically caught my appreciation. They link together nicely with my previous blog posts about perfection.

Here, underlining how perfection arises in a vacuum moment:
"In a split second of eternity, everything is changed, transfigured. A few bars of music, rising from an unfamiliar place, a touch of perfection in the flow of human dealings--I lean my head slowly to one side, reflect on the camellia on the moss on the temple, reflect on a cup of tea, while outside the wind is rustling foliage, the forward rush of life is crystalized in a brilliant jewel of a moment that knows neither projects nor future, human destiny is rescued from the pale succession of days, glows with light at last and, surpassing time, warms my tranquil heart." (p. 102)

And liked with this, the ability to appreciate beauty:
"We all have a knowledge of harmony, anchored deep within. it is this knowledge that enables us, at every instant, to apprehend quality in our lives and, on the rare occasions when everything is in perfect harmony, to appreciate it with the apposite intensity. And I am not referring to the sort of beauty that is the exclusive preserve of Art. Those who feel inspired, as I do, by the greatness of small things will pursue them too the very heart of the inessential where, cloaked in everyday attire this greatness will emerge from within a certain ordering of ordinary things and from the certainty that all is as it should be, the conviction that it is fine this way." (p. 160-161)


"... this is the simple consequence of the specific neuronal wiring that distinguishes us from other animals; by allowing us to survive, the efficiency of intelligence also offers us the possibility of complexity without foundation, thought without usefulness, and beauty without purpose.! (p. 245)

Pointing out the importance of living now:
“Just by observing the adults around me I understood very early on that life goes by in no time at all, yet they're always in such a hurry, so stressed out by deadlines, so eager for now that they needn't think about tomorrow...But if you dread tomorrow, it's because you don't know how to build the present, and when you don't know how to build the present, you tell yourself you can deal with it tomorrow, and it's a lost cause anyway because tomorrow always ends up becoming today, don't you see?

So we mustn't forget any of this, absolutely not. We have to live with the certainty that we'll get old and that it won't look nice or be good or feel happy. And tell ourselves that it's now that matters: to build something now at any price using all our strength. Always remember that there's a retirement home waiting somewhere and so we have to surpass ourselves every day, make every day undying. Climb our own personal Everest and do it in such a way that every step is a little bit of eternity. That's what the future is for: to build the present with real plans made by living people.” (p. 124-125)


About assumptions and the way we perceive others:
“We never look beyond our assumptions and what's worse, we have given up trying to meet others; we just meet ourselves. We don’t recognise each other because other people have become our permanent mirrors. If we were to become aware of the fact that we are only ever looking at ourselves in the other person, that we are alone in the wilderness, we would go crazy. (...) As for me, I implore fate to give me the chance to see beyond myself and truly meet someone." (p. 141)

On the way to happiness or happiness on the way?

I had a thought the other day related to my current happiness-track. It requires a bit of background explanation to get to my point, I guess... 


When people ask me how I’m doing, a standard answer is (translated from the Danish “stille og roligt”) something along the lines of “nice and easy” or “slowly and quietly”. The people who know me well tend to know that this is however never actually the case… I’m always busy with a thousand things, and while I enjoy that, I must admit that I am also always expecting and looking forward to things slowing down a bit the next month or after a certain event. Of course, they never do.

I have a feeling that many people are in a similar situation as me, pushing themselves to an unreasonable stress level with the expectation of things slowing down around the next corner. And THEN they can be happy – they think. I think many people will realise that things do in fact NOT slow down, thus continuing the high pace till they burn out. Reaching the happiness goal they strived for? I think not.

Say they DID reach their goal, with things slowing down/a high income/the right job/(insert-personal-goal). Does this ensure happiness? Again, I think not.

I’m not saying reaching life goals does not make you happy. Obviously, without reaching any of our goals, life would be unsatisfying, unfair, and depressing. What I’m saying is that we need to enjoy the process as well – because “being on the way” is the only constant in our lives.

Now it’s becoming a bit abstract I guess, and hard for me to explain, but let me break it down. We will always be in a process-state. It is the only thing you can count on: everything changing. Your goals included! Regardless of whether you reach your goals or not, as time passes and things evolve, your idea of your destination changes as well, so you will always somehow be on the way towards the goal. The final destination in this regard is unreachable (till death, but considering the happiness aspect, that’s irrelevant in this regard (depending on one’s religious beliefs of course, but that’s again beyond my scope here!)).

The idea of a moving target brings me to my point – or one of them at least. :) If you forget to enjoy the process, your happiness experience will be limited to the moments of reaching whatever goal you were striving for. Limited because of the fact that new goals will follow, continuously rendering you unsatisfied with your current state. Even millionaires want to make more money, right?

Nothing wrong with striving for your dreams (in fact I think its crucial to dream), but without appreciating the beauty of the imperfect process for a seemingly perfect goal, your life might become a series of races towards an ever-moving finish line. We’re back at the “happiness is a perfect-moment-snapshot-concept”, acknowledging that perfection is imperfect.

So maybe make it a goal itself to enjoy the way to our other goals – treasure the process! :)

Why perfection isn't perfect

I just came back from a theater performance called "Darkness" (Mørke - se mere her!). I didn't quite know what to expect from the show, only that it would have a peculiar scenography and an innovative approach to telling a story about stress. 

So, it turns out to be a one man show, the stage is set as a simplistic apartment with a cupboard, a table, a chair, a flat screen TV, and white walls. The walls at times serve as a screen for projections of pictures and figures, which support the story; e.g. a projection of a calendar filling up with blocks of meetings or of the actor, when he has an out of body experience. The furniture is used as a setting for several different scenes, without actually changing the stage - very impressive how many different images they managed to create with those simple measures!

From http://www.nbt.dk/

The story is about a man who becomes stressed. His job brings him around the world to companies, where he gives presentations about how they should focus on success and opportunities instead of failure and problems. (If I could identify myself with this job? Hehe, erm... Yeah, a bit, a recent example being in England, delivering a training about optimism...)

Anyway... This guy talks about how you can get anything you want if you believe in your dreams. Break down your dream into realizable goals and go for it! Success is within reach! Obviously he tries to live by this mantra himself, but at some point he loses touch with reality, and develops a psychosis due to his stress. 

The irony is similar to what I described in my previous post about happiness. People striving for happiness, forgetting to enjoy the ride - forgetting that happiness is rather the process than the aim. 

What I need to say after the performance tonight is that success isn't to equal happiness. Perfection isn't necessarily perfect. 

Why am I saying this? Well, as you know, I like to reflect by writing, and I feel like there is a lesson for me (and you?) to learn here: We strive for success in the belief that it will bring happiness. As I am unable to see the future I can't say that this assumption is necessarily wrong, but it might not come true. The pursuit for success and happiness can make us unhappy, if we forget to keep in touch with ourselves and our values on the way. We run so fast to get to the goal, not realising that we might just be pushing it further away. 

It's the same with perfection. I feel like perfection is a balance - if something is too perfect, it stops being perfect! Yeah, I know this is a bit contradictory (just a little bit! ;)), but consider the fact that you can always do more, however maybe wasting your resources overworking the product (or whatever). You could have spent your energy on something else, something more important. As a perfectionist myself, I need to keep in mind that good is good enough. Thus, perfection is a balance between the thing or task (or whatever) you are focusing on and its surroundings. 

I am however also contradicting myself a bit here, previously claiming that happiness is a snapshot of perfection, existing only when ignoring the imperfections. Maybe that statement should be amended to appreciating the imperfections rather than ignoring them? Meaning that happiness exists in the situation where you come to terms with the imperfections, appreciating that they are part of what makes the picture perfect - part of what makes you happy? 

In that sense, imperfection creates the contrast to perfection, without which perfection could not exits. 

Thoughts about happiness

In the past two days, spending time with some of the most incredible people in the world (the LSS trainers <3), I have gained some insights, which I have been trying to grasp for a while. I hope this post can help me define what I was looking for and what I found.

I have the impression that some people are looking for happiness throughout their lives, in some cases maybe never reaching a feeling of being truly happy. They are painting a rosy picture of what it will take for them to be happy (possibly including the perfect spouse, beautiful children, (insert personal dream), etc.). I think this quest has something to do with perfectionism overall - always striving for something better. This means that in the search for happiness they prevent themselves from feeling happy. Ironic, huh...

For me, happiness is the ability to realise that everything is good, even when it might not exactly be true. But letting myself believe and feel that it is. Tonight I was happy. Everything inside me was at peace, I felt absolutely and truly satisfied with where I was right there and then. Breaking this down, happiness is about appreciating what you have in a certain moment, being able to shut any disturbances out.

Happiness is elusive, though. As soon as you start analysing it, the feeling will be gone. (Like the atom model: you cannot know both where the atom is and what its speed is, for those of you who are into that kind of analogies... ;)) The moment is fragile - you can only appreciate it when you have it, 'cause when you start thinking about why you are happy you will break the focus, and you cannot feel happy and analyse the feeling at the same time. Why not? Because happiness is a bit of perfection in a vacuum of time and space, and perfection cannot exist outside the vacuum moment. This also means that there can't be various degrees of happiness (since perfect is, well, perfect). Further, this means that the way you can measure happiness (if in some case you would like to talk about quantification) is by counting how often you feel happy, and not how happy you feel. Anyway...

Am I deceiving myself into feeling happy? Disregarding the negative (or just non-optimal) things around me? Hmm... Yes. And I treasure the ability to be able to do that. :)

Happiness is a state of mind. I believe in that now more than ever - despite the fact that I have had this text hanging on my wall for 8 years.

See, someone agrees! ;)

 Make sure to check out 

the subsequent blogpost - 

Why perfection isn't perfect!

PhD considerations

For a while now, I have been considering continuing my education by writing a PhD after graduation with my master of pharmacy degree. I have however also discarded the idea again. Now I’m at the point where I need to consider the pros and cons, and hence this blog post!

There is one main point is this, which has been crucial to me along the way – Freedom. A couple of years as PhD student would probably give me freedom to travel as I have experienced during my studies, and hence the opportunity to continue with trainings etc. Question then is… Do I want to? I think the answer to that is “yes”. I don’t know what the purposes of my travels will be, but I’m pretty sure something will come up. :)

Actually its not just the freedom to travel “randomly”, but also the opportunity to study and live abroad. A PhD would be pretty perfect for that, allowing me to learn about my PhD topic from other perspectives. Hmm… Already starting to dream, hehe…

Another freedom-aspect is what my thesis advisor, Lotte, mentioned a few weeks ago. A PhD degree would give me a certain status, a certain freedom to define my own area of work. However, here comes also one of my concerns. A PhD would mean that I would be very highly specialised, and that thought scares me a bit. Not sure why, though… Maybe because I’m not entirely sure what I want to work with? What my area of specialisation should be?

I talked with my friend Anton about that the other day. My vision at the moment is to be working with personal, professional, and profession development, and I have a special interest in continuing the work from my master thesis about Interprofessional Education. This links very well with the profession development-aspect. Also, I could focus on the improvement of the physician/pharmacist relations, but like Anton mentioned, I might need more professional experience before actually being able to undertake such work.

Hence, I am considering finding a temporary job in a community pharmacy, in order to get sort of a reality check. Another option, which would however not give me the clinical experience, is to work in the university. As it looks now, the faculties of pharmacy and medicine will be merged in 2012, and I see that as a great opportunity to work with IPE! And with all the inspiration, ideas, and connection I gained in the IPE conference in Arizona, I really wouldn’t mind continuing down that lane.

At the moment of writing, I am on my way home from my visit to USA, waiting for my connection in London. My plan is to go back to my faculty and try to convince them to hire me to do IPE coordination. Meanwhile, I will be looking into job opportunities in pharmacies, but I also have to consider something very short term – the Danish social security system only allows for unemployed to be “inactive” for maximum three months, meaning that from the beginning of 2012 I will have to be doing something. Could be course work, e.g. in lean management, could be kind of an internship, or well - a real job. ;)

Also, I will investigate the PhD possibilities. After all, my list of pros and cons in this text points quite clearly in the “go-for-it” direction! 

Post graduation

YEAY, I've graduated! :) Now I am finally a real pharmacists, with the fancy "Cand. Pharm" title! My defense went really well, and I am very proud to have wrapped up my 6 years of studying! Here is a link to the video recording of my defense. 

As I was describing in previous posts, I am not sure what I want to work with professionally. I have many ideas though, and I am currently working on a strategy to get a job that makes sense! More about this later on. Right now I'd like to turn to a slightly more frustrated topic - being unemployed. 

During my studies I was always looking forward to holidays and graduation... Time where I didn't have to feel bad because I was neglecting my homework, friends, workout, etc. I was looking forward to free time, time I could spend reading books, with friends, at museums, going through old photos, or whatever. Now I have time, and what do I do? Nothing... I have more time at hand than ever before, fewer tasks and responsibilities, but I get nothing done. Yet I am also more stressed, than I've been for a long time!

Its a bit of a paradox... It takes A LOT of "busy-ness" to stress me out, but I can't handle not to be busy. I get frustrated and lazy, despite the fact that I actually have a lot of things to do. I could easily fill my day with productive tasks, but I can't even really point out how I actually spend my time! All the projects I've been working on during my studies now appear to be unmanageably demanding, though the amount of work is the same and I have more time than ever.

So well, lesson learned - being busy is good for me. :) Therefore, the meeting I had with my thesis advisor, Lotte, November 8th, came at a good time. We agreed that I should spend some time writing a journal article from my thesis, which will give me a bit of actual work to do in December. I left the meeting feeling energized and motivated to get started - another sign that I really need to find a job, I suppose!

Late night talking

Soundtrack: Sigur Rós - Samskeyti

A month ago I found myself in a very beneficial situation. I was in my living room with two amazing girls, Lies from the Netherlands and Kajsa from Sweden, both trainers in this years edition of Leadership Summer School (LSS). It was one of those nights where you feel like time stands still, and the world revolves around you and that room only. I'm not sure where the talk started, and there is unfortunately no way I can recall all the details, but I feel like I went to bed a lot wiser.

Kajsa, me, and Lies

We talked about us. Our families, our experiences, and our personal development, especially in the light of LSS. We talked about others. The people we worked with in LSS, the trainers, participants, and the organisers. We gossiped, sharing our perspectives and impressions about personalities and situations - mirroring ourselves and reflecting about out experiences.

We talked about opening one door, and finding ten new doors to choose from behind the first one. We discussed how some people are blindfolded, and never see the first door. That others are too narrow minded to see all the next ten. And that some people are too scared to open any of them. 

We talked about the universe, and what is beyond. And how did we end up out there, you may ask? Well, it was about the doors I think, relating it to the movie "Sliding Doors" where the story develops in two different directions determined by if the main character catches a train or not. The same idea with our doors - is there an infinite number of parallel universes, all differing a bit because of the choices we make?

We talked about relationships. What it is we need, and what we definitely don't need! Whether the craving for personal development ever stops; if you can find a man who is so balanced, that he doesn't need to read any more books? We concluded that someone who feels no need for self development would have a cocky approach to life, and would indeed most likely not be considered potential. Such a man would belong in the group of people who do not see the doors mentioned above.

We talked about some very personal things. I was unintentionally coached into realising some things I need to do - and afterwards, we realised it had been just like a coaching session, and unintentionally started debriefing it. Then we realised that we were debriefing, and started laughing, shaking our heads to the fact that we are so unable to separate our trainer-way-of-thinking from non-training-related matters. And from there, I believe we got into talking about how much we have indeed learned about ourselves, others, and the world through trainings.

We talked about the power we as trainers can have on the people around us. About the responsibility that comes with an ability like that, and how it can be abused to manipulate people. About how important it is to show people a door, but not drag them through it.

So what did I learn that night, between midnight and 5 AM?

Well, I got some specific suggestions I want to work on, and I was reminded that the world can be seen from many perspectives. That it matters to ask others for their opinions, and that their stories can also make a difference in my life. I learned how big an impact I can have on other people.

And, I was reminded just how important it is to have friends. Really good friends.

We recapped the night talk over a 4 hour brunch the next day. :) 

Do something every day that scares you

Soundtrack: Everybody's free to wear sunscreen (watch it first, then put it on again while reading... :))


Written August 17th
I went swimming today, and in the showers they have this huge bucket mounted so it can be tipped and spill like 25 L of water over whoever is brave enough to pull the rope. It reminded me of the Bazz Luhrman speech/song "Everybody is free to wear sunscreen" - an excellent speech to a graduating class full of advice for life. One of them is "Do something every day that scares you" (at 1.30 mins in the video).

And I started wondering... What scares me?

That bucket of water scares me. And now that I am sitting here, working on my thesis, needing some action, I almost regret that I didn't pull the robe. Well, next time I will. I promise...!


September 1st
So, now I have been to the pool twice after I wrote that I would pul that robe, and....... (drum roll)... I have become a very big fan of the cold water bucket! Really so refreshing - not just because of the cold water, but also having to face yourself, saying "DO IT!", realising it will be a shock. And then afterwards, feeling proud and vikingly, it can only be a good day. :)

I have continued thinking about what scares me. I posted the question "What scares you" on my Facebook profile, expecting that people would post some suggestions that I could learn from... Instead, they pointed out that the things that scares them (such as jumping out of the window from the 9th floor), is not the kind of thing you would like to do. Especially not one thing every day, though one would be unlikely to survive even day 1.

That made me think more about the meaning of the phrase, or maybe more about the purpose. For me, the point is that facing my fears helps me grow, because I move my boundaries each time. Of course the literal statement needs to be taken with a grain of salt, but still I find it to be a very useful challenge!

I went on to google it. "What scares you" - it led to other blogs, where the same question has been discussed, with some thought evoking results. There are different levels of scary things I suppose: Obviously there are the things that might kill you, leading to a very healthy fear indeed... There are bad things that might happen that you cannot prevent (death, disease, and other unfortunate events). Also, there are things such as letting people down, not living your dreams, etc., which are also not the kind of fears you wanna put to the test every day, just because it scares you.

No, the kind of scary things I am after are the challenges. I will keep my eyes open and inform in a later post what I figure out. As always, suggestions are very welcome! :)

Thesis stress sets one's values straight!

Luckily for my thesis / unfortunately for my blog I have spent a lot of time the past weeks getting the report into proper frames before deadline 30th September... Sigh. This brings me straight to the topic of choice for tonight. Thesis stress.

Though as you know I prefer not to use the word "stress", just like I try to use "challenge" instead of "problem". So lets say that I am just under a bit of pressure these days, finishing my thesis. This is a situation, which indeed sets one's priorities straight!

Personal priorities and values are concepts I have been continuously faced with during my attempts to get out of the wilderness and onto a clearer path - metaphorically speaking, obviously. I remember when I realised how values can serve as support for decision making - it was in a training session in LSS 2010 with the title "Focus and Time Management", I was delivering it with Wendelien, and I felt somewhat hypocritical trying to help people finding their way in life, when I didn't even know where I was going myself. We managed well though, and I learned a lot myself in that session.

I realised that the foundation of making decisions consists of values. I think its like this... If you have clear goals in life, you can easily identify your priorities, and those can be used for guidance. Without clear goals the priorities can be more foggy, and you need to consider also your values before the priorities stand out, but fear not - it is actually not as complicated as it sounds! :)

So what I did was this: Look at a list of values, and identify 10 that are the most important to you. Then sort of the 5 which are your top priorities. Write them down, e.g. on a post-it, and stick it somewhere you are remind often.

The values in this wordle above are among the ones that are most important to me. I have them written down; its not like I carry it around with me, but I like to look at it once in a while, and think things over...

I got to think about the topic of this post when I was considering how I am spending my time now that I am under pressure due to the thesis-writing. What things I feel like I can't move from my calendar; the things that make me less stressed. Those include workout and dinners with my sister, while meetings with friends and parties seem to less important. And actually, now that my deadline is coming closer, I really feel like I am becoming a lot more efficient, and not allowing myself all those procrastinations I used to. Like cleaning the windows, even though they could use it! It feels really good to work in a more focused manner - consistent with the achievement and integrity in the wordle, since I believe in dedication to a task! :)

Now I "just" need to figure out how those values can help me along in deciding where I overall want to go with my life... :D Suggestions and thoughts are more than welcome!

My speech from LSS

During the Leadership Summer School (LSS) this year we had a TEDx inspired session with speeches given by LSS participants and trainers. We called it "LSS Inspire", and it was truly one of the most motivating events I have ever taken part in. More about this is a later post. :)

During LSS Inspire I wrote this short speech, which I delivered during the closing ceremony.

Finding your way in life

We have almost a lifetime ahead of us. With decisions to make and roads to walk. Roads, which will lead us to the end of our lives, where, hopefully, we will have an incredible story to tell.

But how to choose the roads to walk? Personally, I don’t know where I am going. I find it hard to answer questions about where I want to be in just 5-10 years.

Its not that I don’t have dreams, there are just too many variables. Therefore, sometimes it is hard for me to figure out what way I need to go. In case you feel the same, I would like to share with you an approach I have applied to my life recently. Are you ready to hear it?

Choose the paths that lead to the best stories.

When you look back on your life from your future, what experiences will be the most memorable? Choose those.

This approach can be applied on many levels in your life, like choosing whether you should go on a trip somewhere or not. Create the stories.

My aim with this speech is to give you inspiration to create a life full of experiences, full of memories. So let me repeat: Choose the paths that lead to the best stories.

Thank you! 

Revolutionary Road

I just had the pleasure of watching Revolutionary Road. A story of a couple in the 50'ies America, with dreams that are bigger than what can be satisfied by a mediocre suburban life. They want the same, they have similar dreams, and she is ready to break out of the ordinary - but he is afraid to face the challenge. A typical case of talking the walk, but not walking the talk.

It made me think... What would I do? Its one of those movies where most people would probably identify themselves with the female lead, who has enough courage to follow her dreams, but really... Honestly - is that what we do? Or do we take the safe road, which will prevent us from fulfilling our true desires? Two thoughts on this...

One: What are MY true desires?

Truth is, I don't know. Truth is also that I have been thinking about this for quite a while, without being able to formulate anything that makes sense.

"Oh, you're graduating soon, then what do you want to do?!" I don't know.

"Where do you see yourself in 5 years time?" I don't know.

"Where do you wanna go with your life, how will YOU make a difference, WHAT IS YOU BIGGEST DREAM?!" I DON'T KNOW!!!

... Do I sound frustrated? Well, I am. A bit. But just a bit.

I want to say that it doesn't matter. That it makes no difference to me right now that I don't have a goal to aim for. That it gives me a feeling of freedom to be open to whatever opportunities I might encounter. And that is true. And at the same time, it isn't.

The freedom IS awesome! Because in 2 months I will graduate, and I have the world ahead of me. I am young, naïve, and idealistic enough to believe that I can do whatever I want! And no, it doesn't scare me that I don't know what it is I want, 'cause I am sure some opportunity will turn up - and then nothing prevents me from taking it. I see myself as a little birdie, running towards the edge of a cliff to try if my wings are strong enough to keep me from falling, and tell you what... I have reason to think that they are.

(My greetings goes out to the lady from the Danish Medicines Agency whom in January 2009 in Amsterdam full of antipathy called me "a young, naïve idealist". I have been proud of that ever since, and I hope I will never grow out of that description.)

What however does bother me that tiny bit is the fact that I would be a good deal more efficient in choosing my way in life if I had a notion of what I want to achieve. Im ok with the fact that anything I do is a step towards my goal, whatever it may be, 'cause all experiences will bring me forward. But intentionally pursuing an aim would give another motivation for progress and development, another energy to move forward.

I recognize the motivation from many other elements of my life, say trainings or EPSA. The motivation to improve something, to see the goal and to work towards it, and to celebrate the achievement once we get there. That feeling is awesome. And without goals, there will be no achievements. Or at least they will be random. And randomness is maybe not specifically what I would like as the major driving force in my life.

Two: The "story path" guideline applies

So what do I do now? Its not like I can make up an aim just like that. I guess that is what this blog is about - finding a goal and a way in life. For now, I think I will go with a thought I presented in a speech to a group of friends not so long ago. Its actually very simple:

Choose the paths that lead to the best stories. 

I will upload the speech in another post, and for now let me just briefly explain the idea. It is a combination of different aspects; the freedom to choose and the lack of goals, the desire to explore the world and to experience something that is worth telling others. And worth reliving in memories. This is how I am currently making decisions, 'cause let me tell you, it is not always easy to be ambitious and yet lacking goals in life!

This is at least a guideline, and I guess in some way also an aim. To have good stories to tell. 

My new blog

I just realised that I need a new blog. Its like only stories related to my exchange in Arizona and the trip in Mexico belongs in the old one (see link in the menu to the right), so I decided that it makes no sense to try to continue writing my thoughts there. I need something different.

So here you go. My new blog about finding my way in life.

Its funny how one of the first pictures I posted in my former blog would suit so perfectly in the first post here also. The road sign - once again I am standing on the verge of something new, something big. Last time it was when I relocated my life to the other side of the world for half a year. This time...

I graduate with a master degree in pharmacy in October, and I guess I am supposed to know what I want to with it. I don't. My aim with this blog is to figure out what it is I want to do with my life, or at least to come closer to an idea. It is my hope that the writing will facilitate some sort of thought process, and help me structure my thoughts into something more tangible - something that will clarify things a bit.

The last couple of years have been fantastic, and have taught me more about myself than I ever expected. I will try to use this blog to figure out what it really is I have learned, and also find ways to discover even more.

Maybe, somewhere along the road I will find some answers to where I am going. And between the indefinite number of roads find one I would like to walk.

I felt like I had to put a picture of a road... I like this one! :)