Age and synergy

Age doesn't matter, career wise. We both know this is true, and that it isn't. WE don't care about age. But we cannot ignore the fact that it matters to our surroundings. And THAT we can only ignore to a certain degree.

We need to make time pass. Just to become older. But we cannot waste time, we are incapable of wasting time, yet we need to be older to do what we want to do. You know I stumble upon paradoxes in everything, and this is a paradox: We will always be ahead. Wasting time means exploring, engaging, experiencing - discovering, developing... Stepping forward. Ahead.

But why are you in such a rush? Where is it you're going?

Maybe I'm just mirroring myself in you. Maybe I fear loosing my own identity, seeing my abilities drown in yours. My identity overshadowed. At the same time I need and hate your governance. Ooooooh... How could I miss this... How could I miss this?! Such irony. It's about synergy.

Realising your recognition boosts me into not needing it. Striving for and receiving acknowledgement sets me free from the limitation it is to seek approval before believing for real.

The same about age. Just forget about it - you do right in ignoring. Trust builds on confidence, and it's abilities that matter. No... Not abilities. Belief. Yours and theirs. Mine. Abilities are secondary. Confidence will lead to trust. A tall house needs a strong foundation.

You're a brick in my foundation. With confidence, I become a brick in yours - you already consider me as such. Not seeing this is what makes me feel governed. But in fact, we are equal. We can fully benefit when I realise that my foundation is strong enough without you. Now I see that I can bring you higher as well. That is true synergy.

Its about 1+1 being either 1.5, 2, or 3. About internal integrity. Not about interdependency for existence, but for reaching full potentials. And its exactly the same with the professions.

A perfect Easter

This time I went abroad without a specific purpose. Well, besides having a good time of course, but I suppose thats a general wish for trips (and for staying at home, for that matter). Lately, I have been searching for clarity, however, and maybe there was also an "unthought wish" that this trip could clear things up a bit. With the itinerary as it was, opportunities were open.

Frankly, I don't recall ever having a trip as unplanned as this. Fly to Venice Wednesday, stay there for a bit, be picked up by Riky Friday, and then go to Ljubljana. Fly back from Venice Tuesday again. Staying where, doing what? Doesn't matter. It was the company that was important. I'll describe the highlights:

It was raining throughout the trip. Every day, every hour, and while it was a bit annoying at times, now I don't really feel like it had any major impact on the quality of the trip. Venice was nice, obviously more wet than usual - it was the rain, though, that suddenly gave me a bit of resurrection, to use a big word. I know how to get the best out of a rainy day, and dressed in rain pants and jacket, boots, and with an umbrella, the rain was not stopping my tour of Venice. Silly as it sounds, that situation just made me feel fantastic - on top of the situation, capable... Strong and happy. :)

Austin, Ivana, and Riky with the
Ljubljana Castle in the background.

Another clarity moment was when I got into Riky's car, and we set out for Ljubljana. It was an amazing feeling - sitting there, with someone I had been looking so much forward to seeing, with no worries, just on an adventure. Shaping life as you want it, not just going with a boring flow. Wow! It was a bubbly, childish happiness somehow, carefree and energizing.

The next couple of days we spent with Austin and Ivana, and while I was suffering from a cold, I could have imagined no better place in the world to be. Well, besides the rain, but who really cares when there is a fireplace, warm tea, delicious food, and the best company? We spent the evenings out and Sunday afternoon driving through the beautiful Slovenian nature. These days were so unbelievingly relaxing... We slept there for just two nights, but I felt like I had been on at least a week of vacation when I left the flat Sunday afternoon.

I went to meet with Borut, and considering my lack of voice due to the cold, that was a wise choice: That man has so much to say, and I loved listening for an hour or so over a cappuccino in the top of the  "Skyscraper", with a view of Ljubljana. It was really a pleasure to see someone speak so passionately of what they do, obviously reminding me that my own work situation needs to change.

Amra was the next person on my list, conveniently working in the Ljubljana Castle history museum. Excellent chance to learn more about the background of Slovenia while spending some time with a good friend! We had dinner, then Ina the flatmate made pancakes, and I crashed on the couch and pretty much slept for 12 hours - exhausted from coughing. Back at the castle Monday, I had a private tour of post-WW2 Slovenian history, which gave me a useful understanding of the current culture. :)

Next, I met with Miha in the center, and he took me to his favorite pub-ish place by the river. They had this amazingly thick hot chocolate, which I have only found in Balkan countries - uhm! And again, I realised that I was sitting across from a man who has found his true calling. To see Miha talk about his work was very inspiring - it was like his expression changed when he described what he does, with a lot of passion shining subtly, yet clearly, from him. A completely different kind of person from Borut, they however both gave me the same feeling of desire to find something like that for myself.

Miha left me with an advice: "Stop worrying. Relax, you will find your place." So the rest of the evening I spent utterly carefree with a girl whom has come to mean a lot to me the last couple of years - Jasna. We had a delicious dinner and then went to a café for amazing cakes and cappuccinos, and then strolled through the rain to my couch of the night at Demjan's place.

On the way back to Venice airport, ridiculously early the next (snowy!!) morning, I reflected on the trip. It had been perfect. 6 nights in total only, but it felt like so much had happened, I met with so many and seen so much! A lot of new motivation to go home and then forward - energized and filled with love and a rare sense of clarity. Finally.

Every little universe

With Aja on a train station somewhere in Holland. In May, on a warm spring day, after sharing ideas and dreams for a while. When her train took off, I was left with a feeling of how the sphere of her universe was moving away from mine. Like each of our universe spheres had been overlapping for a while, but where now no longer touching. Drifting apart in time and space.

Looking around, I saw other people's universes. Their personal spheres, like bubbles around their bodies. Some overlapping, but most of them drifting along the train tracks on their own - probably on their way somewhere, to meet with other spheres.

So many different worlds. Different lives. One life in each universe. When coinciding, sharing a place in time and space, sharing experiences, words, and maybe feelings. But still, in their individuality, so diverse, despite their similarities.

All those universes... Walking in the park, seeing people - acknowledging the existence of their spheres. Behind the walls of an apartment building, so many little worlds.  So near, yet so distant and unknown. All those lives, maybe similar to my own, but maybe not, and I will never know. Only some of them. Only those of whom my personal universe bubble will happen to overlap. Somewhere in the matrix of time and space.

The Elegance of the Hedgehog

It is beyond me to describe in any way the magnificence of the novel "The elegance of the hedgehog" by Muriel Barbery. The book was present I got from Alexandra with the encouragement: "You will LOVE this one!" So true. The beautiful, intriguing, and at some points absurd and sarcastic, tone with which the clever story is written is different from any book that I have ever read.

Instead of giving you any sort of resumé or interpretation of the story, I will instead highlight some passages, which have specifically caught my appreciation. They link together nicely with my previous blog posts about perfection.

Here, underlining how perfection arises in a vacuum moment:
"In a split second of eternity, everything is changed, transfigured. A few bars of music, rising from an unfamiliar place, a touch of perfection in the flow of human dealings--I lean my head slowly to one side, reflect on the camellia on the moss on the temple, reflect on a cup of tea, while outside the wind is rustling foliage, the forward rush of life is crystalized in a brilliant jewel of a moment that knows neither projects nor future, human destiny is rescued from the pale succession of days, glows with light at last and, surpassing time, warms my tranquil heart." (p. 102)

And liked with this, the ability to appreciate beauty:
"We all have a knowledge of harmony, anchored deep within. it is this knowledge that enables us, at every instant, to apprehend quality in our lives and, on the rare occasions when everything is in perfect harmony, to appreciate it with the apposite intensity. And I am not referring to the sort of beauty that is the exclusive preserve of Art. Those who feel inspired, as I do, by the greatness of small things will pursue them too the very heart of the inessential where, cloaked in everyday attire this greatness will emerge from within a certain ordering of ordinary things and from the certainty that all is as it should be, the conviction that it is fine this way." (p. 160-161)


"... this is the simple consequence of the specific neuronal wiring that distinguishes us from other animals; by allowing us to survive, the efficiency of intelligence also offers us the possibility of complexity without foundation, thought without usefulness, and beauty without purpose.! (p. 245)

Pointing out the importance of living now:
“Just by observing the adults around me I understood very early on that life goes by in no time at all, yet they're always in such a hurry, so stressed out by deadlines, so eager for now that they needn't think about tomorrow...But if you dread tomorrow, it's because you don't know how to build the present, and when you don't know how to build the present, you tell yourself you can deal with it tomorrow, and it's a lost cause anyway because tomorrow always ends up becoming today, don't you see?

So we mustn't forget any of this, absolutely not. We have to live with the certainty that we'll get old and that it won't look nice or be good or feel happy. And tell ourselves that it's now that matters: to build something now at any price using all our strength. Always remember that there's a retirement home waiting somewhere and so we have to surpass ourselves every day, make every day undying. Climb our own personal Everest and do it in such a way that every step is a little bit of eternity. That's what the future is for: to build the present with real plans made by living people.” (p. 124-125)


About assumptions and the way we perceive others:
“We never look beyond our assumptions and what's worse, we have given up trying to meet others; we just meet ourselves. We don’t recognise each other because other people have become our permanent mirrors. If we were to become aware of the fact that we are only ever looking at ourselves in the other person, that we are alone in the wilderness, we would go crazy. (...) As for me, I implore fate to give me the chance to see beyond myself and truly meet someone." (p. 141)

Why perfection isn't perfect

I just came back from a theater performance called "Darkness" (Mørke - se mere her!). I didn't quite know what to expect from the show, only that it would have a peculiar scenography and an innovative approach to telling a story about stress. 

So, it turns out to be a one man show, the stage is set as a simplistic apartment with a cupboard, a table, a chair, a flat screen TV, and white walls. The walls at times serve as a screen for projections of pictures and figures, which support the story; e.g. a projection of a calendar filling up with blocks of meetings or of the actor, when he has an out of body experience. The furniture is used as a setting for several different scenes, without actually changing the stage - very impressive how many different images they managed to create with those simple measures!

From http://www.nbt.dk/

The story is about a man who becomes stressed. His job brings him around the world to companies, where he gives presentations about how they should focus on success and opportunities instead of failure and problems. (If I could identify myself with this job? Hehe, erm... Yeah, a bit, a recent example being in England, delivering a training about optimism...)

Anyway... This guy talks about how you can get anything you want if you believe in your dreams. Break down your dream into realizable goals and go for it! Success is within reach! Obviously he tries to live by this mantra himself, but at some point he loses touch with reality, and develops a psychosis due to his stress. 

The irony is similar to what I described in my previous post about happiness. People striving for happiness, forgetting to enjoy the ride - forgetting that happiness is rather the process than the aim. 

What I need to say after the performance tonight is that success isn't to equal happiness. Perfection isn't necessarily perfect. 

Why am I saying this? Well, as you know, I like to reflect by writing, and I feel like there is a lesson for me (and you?) to learn here: We strive for success in the belief that it will bring happiness. As I am unable to see the future I can't say that this assumption is necessarily wrong, but it might not come true. The pursuit for success and happiness can make us unhappy, if we forget to keep in touch with ourselves and our values on the way. We run so fast to get to the goal, not realising that we might just be pushing it further away. 

It's the same with perfection. I feel like perfection is a balance - if something is too perfect, it stops being perfect! Yeah, I know this is a bit contradictory (just a little bit! ;)), but consider the fact that you can always do more, however maybe wasting your resources overworking the product (or whatever). You could have spent your energy on something else, something more important. As a perfectionist myself, I need to keep in mind that good is good enough. Thus, perfection is a balance between the thing or task (or whatever) you are focusing on and its surroundings. 

I am however also contradicting myself a bit here, previously claiming that happiness is a snapshot of perfection, existing only when ignoring the imperfections. Maybe that statement should be amended to appreciating the imperfections rather than ignoring them? Meaning that happiness exists in the situation where you come to terms with the imperfections, appreciating that they are part of what makes the picture perfect - part of what makes you happy? 

In that sense, imperfection creates the contrast to perfection, without which perfection could not exits. 

Thoughts about happiness

In the past two days, spending time with some of the most incredible people in the world (the LSS trainers <3), I have gained some insights, which I have been trying to grasp for a while. I hope this post can help me define what I was looking for and what I found.

I have the impression that some people are looking for happiness throughout their lives, in some cases maybe never reaching a feeling of being truly happy. They are painting a rosy picture of what it will take for them to be happy (possibly including the perfect spouse, beautiful children, (insert personal dream), etc.). I think this quest has something to do with perfectionism overall - always striving for something better. This means that in the search for happiness they prevent themselves from feeling happy. Ironic, huh...

For me, happiness is the ability to realise that everything is good, even when it might not exactly be true. But letting myself believe and feel that it is. Tonight I was happy. Everything inside me was at peace, I felt absolutely and truly satisfied with where I was right there and then. Breaking this down, happiness is about appreciating what you have in a certain moment, being able to shut any disturbances out.

Happiness is elusive, though. As soon as you start analysing it, the feeling will be gone. (Like the atom model: you cannot know both where the atom is and what its speed is, for those of you who are into that kind of analogies... ;)) The moment is fragile - you can only appreciate it when you have it, 'cause when you start thinking about why you are happy you will break the focus, and you cannot feel happy and analyse the feeling at the same time. Why not? Because happiness is a bit of perfection in a vacuum of time and space, and perfection cannot exist outside the vacuum moment. This also means that there can't be various degrees of happiness (since perfect is, well, perfect). Further, this means that the way you can measure happiness (if in some case you would like to talk about quantification) is by counting how often you feel happy, and not how happy you feel. Anyway...

Am I deceiving myself into feeling happy? Disregarding the negative (or just non-optimal) things around me? Hmm... Yes. And I treasure the ability to be able to do that. :)

Happiness is a state of mind. I believe in that now more than ever - despite the fact that I have had this text hanging on my wall for 8 years.

See, someone agrees! ;)

 Make sure to check out 

the subsequent blogpost - 

Why perfection isn't perfect!